Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Enough already

At first it's funny, but now it's just sad.  If I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me "what the secret was," I would have enough to pay off the national debt.

I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but when it comes to sustained weight loss, there is no secret. It's long, it's hard, it's a lot of work. Sometimes I don't want to do the exercise. I don't want to eat breakfast every day. I'm not even hungry in the morning.  But I make myself eat, so I don't get hungry later on.

People, it's hard. So let's forget about these popular theories:

1.) "I will lose weight when I find something that works."  Sorry, the only thing that makes you lose weight is taking in less energy than you put out. It's an earth-shattering concept that works every time it is applied.

2.) Stop with the gimmicks, or at least stop telling me about them.  There is no pill, plan, diet, machine, DVD, gym you can join then never go to, or any of it that is going to lose weight for you.

3.) Please stop telling me you "don't eat that much." I told myself that for decades and it never did any good.

4.) You can't eat "anything in moderation" because anything is not moderation. Come on.

5.) And for crying out loud, please don't tell me how difficult it all is while at the same time stuffing your face with the contents of a Hardees bag. (You know who you are...I still love you, but c'mon.)

No one has the answer for you, only you do.  No one else is going to fix your life. It has to come from within.

So from now on, when people ask me my secret, I'm going to tell them I did it all with the Shake Weight.

Oh, and one more thing: the weight-loss patch only works if you put it over your mouth.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious yet true Mr. Bryan! You have worked hard and it has payed off. The shake weight comment sucks though because I was soooo going to get one! lol