Sunday, March 3, 2013

Learning To Be Content

As you can tell by the banner at the top of the page, I weighed in this week at 218 pounds. I don't even believe it as I am typing it, but it's true. I weigh 218 pounds.

In years past when I would lose a bunch of weight, I was never satisfied. The more I lost, the more I wanted to lose.  At one point in my life, I got down to 199 pounds and still thought I was "fat."  I was just never satisfied.

That was 15 years ago.  After I gained all the weight back, I always told myself: if I ever get back there, I'm going to be satisfied with what I've accomplished.  I'm always going to keep the proper perspective. I'm going to realize that where I'm at is so much better than where I came from, I'm going to be happy.

I'm pleased to report that I have basically arrived at that point.  Sure, I'd like to lose some more weight and I likely will.  Maybe I will lose 20 more pounds and get under 200.  Maybe I won't.  But I have told myself this: I am ecstatic to weigh 218 pounds.  If I maintain this for a year, I will be overjoyed. The concept that I can walk into any clothing store in America and buy a size large shirt and a size 38 pants and have both of them be a little too big on me just blows my mind. It's like Christmas morning every day when I wake up.

I always tell people (and myself) that a lifestyle is as much about managing your own expectations as anything else.  We all want it all....and we want it now.  But that isn't how it works, especially if you want it to last. I'm never going to weigh 164 pounds like the government says I should weigh.  My body is never going to be perfect.  My knees are shot from carrying around all that extra weight for so long.  I have a curve in my spine from the years of being heavy.  I get neck pain when I sit too long.  I now have a tailbone that gives me problems. My dreams of becoming the next great marathon runner have been shattered because my body can't take it.

But you know what?  I'm alive.  And I'm going to keep living.  And I weigh 218 pounds, not 577.

I have arrived.  This is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  But I'm not done, I'm just getting started.  Life is good, my friends!